God, grant me wisdom.
Faith is legalized insanity. How do you know when God answers prayers? It reminds me of gambling; the idea that you can be a winner even when the odds are stacked against you. Unrestrained gambling can ruin lives and is considered a disorder that requires counseling.
I just couldn't pretend anymore. I cannot play the game that seemed so perfect when I was young. Everything was all laid out. There was no mystery to the world because every question could find an answer in Christ. I now know that is false. So many have died or have killed for the wrong reason.
I don't believe any of it. I reject the Holy Spirit! There. Now I am damned according to the scriptures. So be it. When my life is over, it will be over. There will not be an afterlife. The word 'afterlife' is an oxymoron. My life will be judged by the people living now. How did I treat them? What works or accomplishments have I left behind for the next generation? Whose lives had I touched and made just a little bit better because I was there?
I believe in the existence of people. The few whose paths mine have crossed will be the only ones concerned with my coming or going. I hope I have not caused too much pain. I hope it can be said that the world in some small way is a better place for having me travel the few hundred places in the brief eighty year blink of these times.