Monday, April 9, 2012

Headline News

21 dead in gunfire skirmishes along the Washington/Oregon border as Oregonian troops, aided by Iranian allied forces attempted to reclaim Hayden Island from the 'Washers'. Disputes over settlement rights to the island, located near the confluence of the Columbia and Willamette rivers, have been going on for decades while ideological differences between the two states has escalated in recent years, requiring the military aid of middle-eastern countries.
Washington State has a high percentage of Presbyterians while Oregon is primarily Lutheran. Recent fighting between the two denominations has stalled talks of peace and prompted the leader of the Oregon Coalition to make this statement, "Washington has always been more Presbyterian than Oregon, and that's damn close to Episcopalian in my book. The Episcopalian sect, as everyone knows, is as near to being Catholic as you can get without actually being Catholic. And there's the problem. Hayden Island is ours by divine right and we'll use any means necessary to secure our god-given heritage." The mayor of Vancouver had no comment, but Facebook indicates that a military build-up, possibly with the aid of Canadians, may be assembling at an undisclosed location near Chehalis in response to the Oregon threat.

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